Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
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Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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