I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
