Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
