It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
