we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
