Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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