so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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