You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
