Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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