At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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