It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
