rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
