I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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