pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
