very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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