you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
