you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
