I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
