yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
as a side note pls kill me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
