Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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