mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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