i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
