Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
