Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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