you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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