Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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