Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
