I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
