The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
