Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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