Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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