Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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