I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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