I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
