I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
