Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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