My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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