I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Randomize
