The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize