On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
