There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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