i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Be still, my beating vagina.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
