seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
