there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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