Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
