so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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