omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
