All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
