nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
