Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
