Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
